The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been
reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications,
rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year
phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly,
sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will
be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters
kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome"ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf"
20% shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments
will enkorage the removal of double leters, which have always ben a deterent
to akurate speling. Also, the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag
is disgrasful, and they wil go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
"th" by z" and "w" by v. During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd
from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to
ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be
no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech
ozer.
Ze drem vil finali kum tru.